There are four different types of parenting and there is only one that should be the goal. There is an authoritative, authoritarian, permissive, and neglectful. As you might already know neglectful is someone who doesn't care for the child and dismisses them. Permissive parenting is when you recognize the child but don't enforce any rules, have low expectations, and want to be more of a friend than a parent. Authoritative is when you have high expectations and high responsiveness to your child; therefore, you want them to achieve great things and you will do what you can and be as understanding as possible to help your child achieve that goal. Then authoritarian has high expectations but isn't always aware of the child. Out of all of these authoritative parenting is what you should strive to have in your family. You may not be perfect but helping them become the best they can be without hurting them can be the difference between your family and one that doesn't recognize their family's potential.
As a parent or spouse, our behavior makes the difference in the family. Our psychological control versus our behavioral control can change our mindsets. "Behavioral control is generally what is meant by the term “demandingness,” in which parents monitor child behavior and hold children accountable when they misbehave. In contrast, psychological control is generally considered to be deleterious, regardless of its tone or level" (Eds et al., 2020). We should strive a behavioral control in the home. This doesn't mean that we have to pay attention to everything our child does but we should be able to help them understand the consequences of their actions and what they can do to become better. Whereas with psychological control we have a certain expectation that may not always fall through. We can strive to be authoritative along with behavioral control of our households.
The difficulty and stress that comes with a family are all there. But don't let that distract you from enjoying it. We don't want to make mistakes, but it's ok to make them. I know that there are times in my life when I hope that my future child doesn't do the same as I or take an opportunity I never did. But each child and your spouse as well will come with challenges. Each person is different and has their own future ahead. Don't feel you have to make their future a certain way, but instead how you can help them find the future they want.
https://online.vitalsource.com/reader/books/9780842528030/pageid/134
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