Whether you look at your parents, a couple on TV, or even just the relationships around you and they look happy. You might think they have no problems in life or they must be the perfect couple. Let me assure you that while those relationships look perfect, that doesn't mean they were always that way. Every couple will go through struggles in the relationship, no matter how many good moments they have, it doesn't mean it's always sunshine. You might not have the perfect marriage; however, I can help you do your best to get your best experience from it. Six foundational processes can help.
We start with the "Foundational Process #1: Personal Commitment to the Marriage Covenant" (Eds et al., 2020). In this process, we must include Our Savior in our commitment. Marriage between a man and a woman is sacred so we will be making important decisions during this time. Bring Him into each conversation will help you make those decisions such as children, money management, moving, etc. This may not be a step that everyone thinks about. In fact, I have many friends who believe in God and those who don't. Those who don't are not necessarily thinking about this step in life. However, those who I know who are members of the Church have found that bringing the Lord in each step makes things easier. It gave them a guide and hope for their future. Building your family through Him, then raising them into the kingdom will provide your family with many blessings and guidance from Him.
"Foundational Process #2: Love and Friendship" (Eds et al., 2020) is the next step. Of course, you want to marry your best friend; therefore, love is a big part of that. However, while loving someone is the goal you must also understand the responsibility of loving someone. This love runs on your agency throughout the relationship. Do you choose to love each other even when you are angry? Is love a message that you send often? How can you better improve the relationship? Remember that this relationship, like most, evolved through being friends first. You shouldn't be afraid to learn more about your friend in a positive light. Learn to understand their love language and what you can do to uphold that. Talk to each other, it's as simple as that. Don't be afraid to talk to your best friend and learn what you can do to build a relationship.
"Foundational Process #3: Positive Interaction" (Eds et al., 2020) helps us understand what positive relations can do. We all know that by having positive interactions you can be happier even with negative ones. But how can we make sure there are positive than negative interactions? Research shows that most often we see five positive interactions to one negative interaction. We can learn to focus on the positive by focusing on the negative. What I mean by this is that we all have flaws, but that shouldn't be our main focus. We must focus on what we admire about the other person and what we could do as a couple to build each other up.
"Foundational Process #4: Accepting Influence from One's Spouse" (Eds et al., 2020) allows us to understand our spouses' reasoning in certain circumstances. We must validate each others' opinions and help one another learn from them. By doing this we will be able to better understand one another. We must learn to apply these things to our family and just by our own opinion. Openly express your feelings.
"Foundational Process #5: Respectfully Handle Differences and Solve Problems" (Eds et al., 2020) tells us that we might go into marriage thinking life will be blissful. Though there are a lot of ups, that also includes downs. To get through these things we must be able to approach each other's differences in a way that allows both to be happy. Compromise is one thing, but there will be times when one person's opinion or preference takes over. Don't go into arguments with a bad temper. When times like such come up, take time from each other and think about what you want to address. Once both are calm and in a better mindset, sit down and talk to one another. There are many methods to help this situation, such as a talking piece or a timer.
Finally "Foundational Process #6: Continuing Courtship through the Years" (Eds et al., 2020) sounds easier said than done. Learning from one another is done all through marriage. Don't feel that you will always have it perfect because that isn't true. Take time to notice the things your spouse does. Take time to understand and spend time with them. Marriage can be scary, but it's what you make of it that will determine your happiness.
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